hey people who love me and interested to listen to me crap my heart feelings out

scoot over to

     I started this blog in hopes to jot down every important moments and wonderful experience as an exchange student in Canada. I met alot of friends, each from different continents of the world,and I got adapted to the taste, the wonderful taste of being abroad.

     It is not that i like to be away from my family, it is the feeling of able to trave3l and to see part of the world which i read in books. Its the culture i experience, it is the ability to see what you are told about and be able to judge with my own eyes and by my own feelings. now that i have friends everywhere it is hard to think of them and how they are doing..and then not really suprisingly i have the urge to go to their country and watch and witnesse everything they told me about. . Ity is even now in my "THINGS TO ACHIEVE IN MY LIFE" to visit them someday before i die.

     I started this blog with a name i love "BACKPACKING AROUND THE WORLD" i hope to do it..but whether it is possible i am not sure. i dream each day that someday it will happen...it was kind-of an inspiration i got from my host brother when he and his wofe quit their job and went backpacking to all the continents of the world...and as they told me of their tales..i thought wow..isnt that alovely thing to do....

     As most of you know..i am home for almost six months now...really settling down and slowing down..i am still not use to it i must admit..haha..well another six months and whether i will be studying locally or internationally will be determined by the university...(Finger's crossed here)....

     Since i've been back...i searched and searckhed and believe me i searched..for ambasadorial programme and short term programme..and even tried the FRIEND-SHIP..where you travel in a cruise ship for a year to different countries where they pick a student up...and thatws how they meet and get along...other than that there was an au pair programme..where you stay in US for a year and study there and you get money and stay with the family but you have to be a nanny for the children..i thought it was wonderful..why

1. get to study in US

2. you get cash

3. get to use a car

4...i dont really mind being a  nanny as i love children

when i told my mummy about it..she say...LEI SOT JO AR? *Are you crazy*

and my sis said..jie..i think you should stop and settle down and think of your future...i really dont think you should do anymore of this programme..

wow..and then i was like...ok..

i guess my jittery travel bug gotta stay for a lil while..maybe next time when i have the cash...

i will again..continue naming my blog...BACKPACKING AROUND THE WORLD...and this time be writting of my travelling adventure..

     Isn't really quick how time pass? Come to think of it I am already home for like 4 months now. Christmas is over which seemed funny because i felt as though I just celebrated my first white christmas selling christmas trees and singing carols on a hay wagon.... Those are indeed great times...

     Its now the new year. Nothing seemed to change though i guess..other than my sis's hair turn green_not all of it and i have a few pink strand...how pink is it..haha..well i got to let you see it soon...when i can manage to steal the camera off my sis's hands..

     since i have nothing new going on in my life..lets start some old grandmother stories

     I was sitting in the car today and well...i was thinking...i am about twenty..and thinking back i have done so many things i cannot believe i did

some of it i am proud off.....

and some of it is plain stupidity....and now come to think of it..i wonder why did i actually did something that dumb and well..childish...........i mean really stupid that somehow i really blush when people actually mention it..and my sis just love to bring it up

haha

well i guess as a child you gotta be a child sometimes eh.....................

so...yeah guess thats about it

oh news here...i went to an audition like last month some kind of host for a reality show....it was fun doing the audition..but sadly i guess i did not get it...really dissapointed though as i thought i did well..haha...not shy eh...but oh well..gonna keep a look out for another one..........since i have like LOADS of time in my hands....really wanna know who they choose...and then i will kill them just kididng...

anyway

love you all....

take care wherever in the world you are.....................................................

muaks...

it really has been a long time since i online and uploaded my blog page
besides...it has been two weeks that i can sit here and relax alittle..

i have been so busy..like seriously busy....my daddy's buisness was great the last two weeks which means...me as his beloved daughter..haha... i really work hard and guess what i got my first salary..haha

my whole family have been working OT until 9-10 pm the record breaking time was 2 am...by the time i got to bed it was 4 am...and i had to get up at 6:30am

tht was certainly a wow....

thats by far the most interesting that happen...other than my sister just completed her spm...

and CHRISTMAS...IS COMING....

i am missing the christmas last year..the snow....my winter wonderland..

making snow angels..the christmas carols....and the atmosphere last year

......

anyway

thats about it i guess

gotta sign off soon...and i'll keep writting if my life get a little more exciting

haha

           My heart is heavy, weighted down with dissapointment, heartbroken moments and just tears . why is it am i not allowed a chance to start anew? i know my mistake and just want another chance....is that such a difficult favour. i thought just as long as i learn my lesson, i will be given a chance... do i have to struggle again..do i have to struggle again..is this my punnishment...is it?? but this is affecting others..its not worth it..it really is not worth it....

         I sometimes wonder...would i really make a difference if i actually can turn back time and really gave a second chance to redo everything. would anything be any different...would my life be alot better...or..is this the way it should be...forcing me to the edge...making decisions...facing walls and walls and not a single way out...learning to make another choice and not regret...i may seem tough..but i admit im actually not..if you continue to push me..i dont know when i will actually run out...of strenght

     there are questions i want answered..but where to look for them i do not know....i find comfort in my own silence and smile i give out..but how dissapointed i am...i guess..only i will know...why am i typing this..i dont even know...why did i set up a blog page...haha..i dont know..is it to display my affection into the public..is it to display my downs in life ...and let it humour others

is it?

why am i telling all this out..when i hardly tell people around me...are words a way to release my sadness..my tears at night...are spill in words ...all in this page...why though?? i am not asking for comfort from others..i do not really care anymore if there is anyone out there who actually care of me...

i learn to protect myself and yet fail...but stood up stronger than ever and probably will be able to keep that distance...

i pray and hope and wish that You will really look at me and give me a chance..please..

why give me hope and happinese in one day and take it away all in the end...just dont let me hope at all..to avoid anyother dissapointment..ever...again

The Lake House starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock... Have you watch it??

Its really weird...a super duper long distance relationship..when i mean super duper long distance relationship its like a guy from the past well (year 2004) communicate with this girl from 2006... their communication is this lil mail box at the lake house... the mail box miracously was able to mail the letters to and fro between them... what they have in common they both were tenants of the lake house which is actuallly a glass box..

What amaze me was the fact that they could actually fall in love....how can you actually fall in love for someone you have never met??? then it brought me to think of those girls who run away to marry a guy they met on the internet..which seem rather superficial to me..is love that easy??? i did not think so..

so back to my main characters of the story.. it almost seem like they would never be able to get along and be together as it seemed almost impossible..but they did..they really did with enough determination....he waited for her 2 years and they met and they lived happy ever after....like how all stories should end

........................................................................................................................

the other movie i watch THE BANQUET staring Zhang Zi Yi, Daniel Wu and Zhou Xun..

the movie was great..the meaning was ok..the message was pretty clear..the fight scenes were really nice but the ending..

like can somebody explain to me how in the world did the queen die..????

her stepson who actually is her lover beforeshe got married to his father and became the empress ...well..basically everyone died in the movie

but my question is..if the prince died...why did his sword appear at the end of the movie and who killed the queen with the sword..i do not get it at all....?????

is there actually a reason for it..or are somethings suppose to remain as mystery................

     WHat is happening to this world? I do not really understand what is going on with this world. Is it indeed all about balancing act . if there is kind there is always bad, if there is good there is always evil..

    why is it though?? Is there really no such thing as peace in this world that even innocence in young children seem lost or not in existance anymore?

     Why cant everyone just play nice...then there would be less heartbreak and tears in this world.. why do people judge and criticise others ?what right do they have to do that... can they not just accept others instead of pointing flaws others have? dont they realise they have their ownflaws too..... Dontt  they realise tht each and everyown of us were created to live together and not to disrupt the living of others>> we are not created to go around talking about others.. it doesnt matter.. not to me at least....

      young children used to be so delicate, so sweet, innocent and well protected... is that all now just a general description we used in books all fictional and not a single word of truth.. what is it with the bullying casses in primary one classes?

it hurts me to see all this happening around me....it causes me to shed tears...

i feel like just running off and hide sometimes from all this cruelity... but where to...?? i even tend to have negative thoughts sometimes after i so succesfully battle them off and feeling happy for myself again....

maybe its just this image of perfection that i want myself to fulfill.....not an easy job and the blame is always on me...i blame it on my own that is..

just hopefully one day when i reached a world...a land where i can find my own fairytale...where i can find my laughter and smiles once again...i will stay there and not return....

     Since I came from Canada..you must have realised that i have not been updating my blog or onlining haha...well...nothing much to say..nothing exciting happened lately....

      except that

      A very dear friend of mine just left about 2 weeks ago to UK... and i got to send her off at the airport. We are well can be counted as childhood friends..we met when we were 9 and were friends up until now. eventhough i was not in the same school as her after 3 years we always met up some how or rather...

     Funny how when we were younger in primary school...all we wanted was to get out of primary school and going into high school where supposedly have cute and cool guys...well thats what they say right

haha......then days past....every day has a lesson to learn its only whether you accept it willingly or not.....

then..now..we are all in college...waiting and choosing our pathway..and I am turning twenty soon...every one changing........... only two ways to that..

good or bad....thats all eh

Life..all about learning....even now..all I am doing is working for my daddy, accompanying my mummy and tutoring my sister but im willing to do it with all my heart because I know how much time  i have left to do that...my sister is going to grow up..or should i say growing up eventhough I still call her baby..not going to be alot of time for me to be my mum's side or help my dad with his work...in regard to that..i can totally learn where the money for my uni comes from

thats all for now that is....good thing the Telekom guy came and fiix my line

"Gomennasai"

What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was one of a kind,
A precious pearl
When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed

Gomennasai for everything
Gomennasai, I know I let you down
Gomennasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now
What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain

When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself
Gomennasai for everything
Gomennasai, I know I let you down
Gomennasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege
When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I walked away
Gomennasai, for everything
Gomennasai, Gomennasai,
I never needed a friend,
Like I do now
Gomennasai, I let you down
Gomennasai, Gomennasai, Gomennasai,
Gomennasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now